In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. -Proverbs 16:9
Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.....you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” -James 4:13-15
Something I have been struggling with through all of this, is the fact that my plans for what the next year of my life would look like have been completely shattered. I had everything figured out for what life would look like with our new baby. I was planning to be a wife and a mom and continue working a little bit part time, whether that is nannying or working from home so that I could take care of our baby. But now, if the Lord decides to take Timothy home, there must be a new plan. But it is so hard for me to think about that because I don't want there to be a new plan. I want to be a mom. It hurts deeply to feel the weight of that and to come back to the feet of Jesus and ask for guidance and direction for my life. Thinking about moving on and changing "my plan" has not come easily. There have been many tears and it still hurts so deeply even as I right this.
And yet I know that if the Lord takes Timothy home and I don't get to be a mom just yet, "my plan" may be shattered but God's plan and my purpose in life is not shattered. My purpose in life is not just to be a mom. My purpose in life is to "love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, and mind" and then "love my neighbor as myself". I am to love God with all that I am and out of the overflow of that, I am to serve people, love people, and lead them to Jesus. If the Lord takes Timothy home, I can still do what God has called me to do on a daily basis.
I think God wants us to be wise, wants us to make plans, and wants us to prepare for the future. But I also think He wants us to hold those plans loosely in the palm of our hands. To daily lift those plans to Him and pray for His will to be done in our lives, for we do not know what tomorrow holds. All we can do is walk in the path that He has called us to today and live out the purpose that He has called us to everyday of our lives. He has called us to love Him and to love people no matter where we are in life and no matter where He has determined our steps will go.
I think God wants us to be wise, wants us to make plans, and wants us to prepare for the future. But I also think He wants us to hold those plans loosely in the palm of our hands. To daily lift those plans to Him and pray for His will to be done in our lives, for we do not know what tomorrow holds. All we can do is walk in the path that He has called us to today and live out the purpose that He has called us to everyday of our lives. He has called us to love Him and to love people no matter where we are in life and no matter where He has determined our steps will go.
With trials and pain, we gain wisdom if we allow ourselves to learn. You have spoken very wise words. We don't know each other well, but know that we are praying for you! I've learned that God doesn't show us the whole road because we couldn't handle it:). That's why he gives us one step at a time - to make the journey richer. With each step we learn to trust Him more. It's a beautiful, heart-breaking, glorious, tragic, amazing journey. Keep trusting Him.
ReplyDeleteTimothy is so blessed to have you as his mom. You are loving him with every second of every day - Cherishing every kick and movement of life. My heart aches for you and yet rejoices that we trust a God who is bigger than every unexplainable circumstance. You are being faithful and obedient to God's calling on your life, His calling on you as a mom and wife.... And your trust in Him shines a glorious light on who God is. That He is worth trusting - that we can cherish the moments He gives to us daily and lean on Him to heal our hearts and reveal His plan for us as we follow Him. I agree with Edie's description of the journey we have with Him. May God hold you close and overwhelm you with His love and peace.
ReplyDeleteYour trust is inspiring! You trusted God before and you trust Him now. I can't wait to really "talk" ... without ever have meeting, I feel such a precious friendship with you! I fully understand that shattering of hopes you wrote about. I actually just blogged "sad, but so glad .. our lives are forever changed" www.rydaysalt.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteI seriously cannot wait to talk, we have SO much to share!!
xoxoxo