Monday, April 16, 2012

I Will Never Be The Same Person. My Letter To Timothy

I have so many thoughts and emotions right now that I don't know if I could even begin to share all of them with you but I will try to at least share a few. Wednesday, April 4th, will forever be a day that changed my life. It was one of the happiest days of my life as I finally got to see  my precious baby boy, kiss him, and hold him in my arms. My first sight of Timothy was of Warren holding his hand and his legs and feet kicking in the air as the nurses worked quickly to get a diaper on him and clean him off. In the instant that I saw his feet kicking and him moving so well, I thought he was going to be able to stay with us for a little while. He looked so perfect, so healthy, so strong, so normal. However, moments later it became clear all too quickly that Timothy's life was fading fast from this Earth. Even though I had a false sense of hope for a moment, I have no doubt that is exactly how God wanted me to see Timothy and how he wanted me to forever be able to remember him. I remember him alive and well, kicking his long legs in the air. I remember his soft warm cheek snuggled against my cheek, his beautiful & perfect red lips, his big nose (Warren & I joke about who he got that one from...and I think we both agree he had a Trisomy 13 nose). I remember his beautiful blonde eyelashes that were so long they curled upwards, I remember his tiny hands, his tiny feet, and his perfect long legs. He was truly a beautiful baby and from the outside looking in you wouldn't even know what was going on. God gave us Timothy and we were able to share his life with so many of our family members that were able to be there with us for Timothy's birthday. I feel that God orchestrated him being breech so that we would choose a C-section for his delivery and our family would all get to see Timothy and hold them in their arms too. I can't imagine not having been able to share that moment with them. So, I thank the Lord for helping us to make that decision and I don't regret it for one moment. Wednesday, April 4th, the day we held Timothy in our arms, will forever be a day that I remember and cherish with all of my heart!

One of the happiest days of my life ended with the hardest and most heartbreaking moment I have ever experienced, saying goodbye to my son and letting him go from my arms. Warren and I snuggled in my giant hospital bed together and held Timothy in our arms. We cried together and then we prayed together. We gave our son back to his Heavenly Father. I have no doubt that in that moment Jesus wept with us and felt every sting of pain that we felt. I have no doubt that He was there with us, holding us, and giving us the strength that we needed. He was there. He did not leave us or forsake us. He was there whispering truth into our hearts. "Timothy is my son, whom I love. Timothy is not here. This is only his broken, Earthly body. He is already with me. I love him. I have prepared a place for him. He is in a better place. You will go to him but he will not come to you. I love him. I have him. You can let go and trust me. I am in control. I love him. I love you. I will be with you." And so clinging to each other and to our precious Savior, we said goodbye to our sweet baby boy.

I will never be the same person I was 9 months ago. God gave us a gift. He gave us Timothy. This is the letter I wrote to Timothy about how he changed my life. My mom read this letter at Timothy's memorial service. What a special blessing and honor that was for me to have her read this letter for me because I knew there was no way I would be able to make it through it.

Dearest Timothy,
     Oh, how I wish more than anything that you could be here with us on this Earth. I wish that you could grow up to be just like your dad. Because this world desperately needs more Godly men like him. So, my heart breaks. I mourn and I cry that you will not be here with us on this Earth. But I know deep down in my heart that this is not a sad day for you. You have been welcomed with open arms into the presence of your heavenly Father who loves you more than I ever could. 
      I began to pray for you the moment we found out that I was pregnant. I prayed that you would come to know Jesus at an early age and that you would walk with him all of the days of your life. I prayed specifically that your life would bring God glory, and I know without a doubt my prayers have been answered. Your life has brought God so much glory and you will be with him forever. I do not regret for a moment any of the days the Lord gave us with you, and I do not believe God made a mistake when he made you. I know that he knit you together in my womb and that all the days ordained for you were written before one of them came to be. I believe that God has plans to use your short, but precious life for so much good in my life and in the life of everyone around you.
     I am so thankful for the precious nine months that we were given with you inside my belly and for the wonderful day that we got to hold you in our arms. Because of you, my life will never be the same! Your life brought me closer to our Heavenly Father than I have ever been. Your life taught me how powerful prayer truly is. Your life taught me how to truly trust our Savior. Your life taught me that God’s Word is true when things in life are good and when things in life are bad. Your life taught me that I can’t walk through a day of life on my own but must surrender each moment to God. Your life taught me more about the love of the body of Christ. Your life taught me that this world is broken, this world will never be our home, but that those who believe in His name can look forward to our new home in heaven. Your life taught me to cherish each moment we are given with our loved ones on this Earth.  Your life taught me that so many of the things in life that I thought mattered so much don’t matter at all. Your life has given me a whole new understanding of what God felt when he sent His one and only Son to this Earth to die for us, and your life has given me a whole new appreciation for what Jesus did on the cross for us that allows us to spend eternity with Him in heaven. Your short life has taught me so much!
     Timothy, you are my precious son, whom I love and cherish with all of my heart. Know that I deeply miss you already and my heart breaks because you cannot be here with us now. But know that I look forward to the day I will be with you again. I look forward to the day when Jesus will wipe away every tear from our eyes. The day when there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain. So, goodbye for now my sweet boy, but only for a little while. I love you!

Love Always,
Your Mommy

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Sweet Words From Timothy's Daddy

Warren wrote the sweetest poem the night we said goodbye to Timothy. The poem is written as if Timothy is talking to us. Warren also spoke at Timothy's memorial service on Saturday. He did such an amazing job! I will never forget hearing him speak truth about our loving and faithful God and our precious son, Timothy. I praise the Lord everyday for my incredible husband and I wanted to share with each one of you these precious words from him.

"Thank you all for coming. Julie and I deeply appreciate all your love and support. We read every note, email, facebook message and text. We felt so encouraged and loved. Because of your prayers, we felt a strength and a peace that only comes from God.I have a few words that I want to say. God has been teaching me so much these past few months and I want to share some thoughts with you. 

First, Timothy David Reichel was greatly loved. We loved him every bit of 9 months and 20 minutes that we got to spend with him. Timothy was not a mistake. He was not a fluke. He was not bad luck. Timothy was our son. He was a baby boy. And we loved him and will miss him very much. Timothy came into this world kicking and punching just as he did inside Julie for nine months. We kissed him and held him as our son. And not just us, but our whole family and friends loved him too. Timothy was greatly loved.

Second, I want you to know that it is okay to cry. You are not stronger if you can hold back tears. And you are not weaker if allow yourself to cry. We miss Timothy and are sad that we don’t get to see him here on earth. And it’s okay to cry about that. In fact, your tears show us how much you loved him too. Even Jesus wept when his friend Lazurus died. Jesus also said “blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.” This is so true. I would rather spend a few days of sadness intimately close to my heavenly Father than ten thousand good days never needing God. 

Third, we firmly believe that we will see Timothy in heaven. God’s word tells us so. And we are assured by the spirit of God that speaks to our hearts that we will spend eternity with Timothy. Without God, our faith is weak, but with God  he provides the faith we need to believe these truths. We thank God for what Jesus did on the cross yesterday on Good Friday. He forgave our sins, gave us life, restored us back into God’s family, and promised us everlasting life. We will see Timothy again.

Fourth, I want you to know that it is also okay to smile. It’s okay to laugh. It’s okay to sing songs that praise the lord. And it’s even okay to be angry. You are allowed to have all these emotions. God can handle our emotions. But if you’re a Christian, it’s our joy that is most profound. That even in the midst of the darkest times, we can have joy and peace because we know the end of the story. That God will come back. That we will live forever. That there will be no tears in heaven. And that is profound and amazing. That as Christians, we can have joy in sorrow because we know God will redeem everything in the future. Our smile proves we believe this. 

Finally, although Timothy did not speak a single word, his life spoke so loudly that the earth quakes and the mountains tremble. Everyone can hear what Timothy has to say. My siblings will come and read a poem I wrote. These words I wrote are the words Timothy wanted to say to you and me."

I am in a Better Place

Mommy, Daddy
It’s okay to cry.
For by your tears
Your love shines bright.

Blessed are
The teary eyed.
God wraps his arms
Around those who cry.

I am in a better place.

I know you ask
Why, oh why.
Why must your son
Have to die?

Remember Jesus.
He was like me.
Innocent he died
To set us free.

I am in a better place.

Jesus rose
Up from the grave.
Your son you love
Will do the same.

No fear in death.
No guilt remains.
Our destiny
Forever changed.

I am in a better place.

The sunrise speaks
Of better days.
God deserves
All the praise.

Jesus loves me
This I know.
For here in heaven
He tells me so.

I am in a better place.

Mommy, Daddy
It’s okay to smile.
It proves you believe
You’ll see me in a while.

Mommy, Daddy
I miss you too.
I’m in God’s arms.
I’ll see you soon.

I am in a better place.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Pictures of Our Precious Baby Boy

This picture was taken seconds after Timothy was born. This was his daddy's first touch with his son. Warren grabbed his hand and said hi for the first time, and Timothy opened his eyes and looked straight at him. This was the only time that Timothy opened his eyes. What a precious memory that will forever be for Warren! We thank you Jesus for Timothy's life!
Timothy getting put into his little outfit by his Gigi, Grandpa (Mac), and Aunt Michelle. Look at those long, perfect legs and arms! He was absolutely adorable!

Me, still unable to sit up yet, holding Timothy in my arms shortly after they finished sewing me up. Warren was right next to me with his hand on Timothy's little hand.

Timothy with his proud mom and dad! We love you Timothy! We will never forget holding you in our arms!

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Timothy David Reichel

Begin forwarded message:
With joy and sorrow, we want to share the news that Timothy David Reichel was welcomed into the world this Wednesday, April 4th, 2012 at 7:55am. He was 4lbs and 13oz. He was almost 20 inches long and came out perfect, beautiful, and kicking. He went home to his heavenly Father at around 8:20 am, passing peacefully in his mother’s arms.  
Julie and Warren are so thankful they were able to spend time together with Timothy.  They are so sad that he couldn’t stay longer, but rejoice that he is now perfect and whole in heaven. He was surrounded with love today by grandparents, aunts, uncles, pastors, friends, and cousins who were able to be here for his birthday.
Timothy’s memorial service will be held at 1pm this Saturday, April 7th, at RockPointe Church in Flower Mound.
The church address is: 4503 Cross Timbers Road, Flower Mound, Texas 75028
In lieu of flowers, please consider making a donation to Lewisville/Flower Mound Young Life in memory of Timothy to be used to send students to summer Young Life camp. It is our hope and prayer that through Timothy's memorial many of these student's lives will be forever changed as they have the opportunity to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Make Checks payable to Young Life. Checks may be mailed to Warren and Julie or directly to Young Life:
Young Life 
PO Box 292561
Lewisville, TX  75029
Please write “Timothy Reichel Memorial” in the memo line
Warren and Julie thank you so much for all of your prayers! They truly felt God's grace and peace.

Monday, April 2, 2012

C-section on Wednesday

Many of you have heard by now that Timothy is still breech at this point and since I am due a week from today we have decided to go ahead and due a C-section this Wednesday to beat labor (that is if he doesn't decide to come on his own today or tomorrow). We had been hoping and praying that he would do a nice little flip and we could avoid a c-section but he seems to like the spot he is in right now. While we have been praying that he would flip, we have also been praying that if a c-section was the best option for Timothy that the Lord would make it abundantly clear. And we feel the Lord has done just that.

So, if Timothy has not flipped by tomorrow then I am scheduled to go in for a c-section on Wednesday morning at 7:30 am. I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my head right now that I don't think I could right them all down. I am so excited to meet our sweet Timothy and hold him in my arms and I am almost more excited for Warren to get to meet him and hold him in his arms! Timothy's life has felt so much more real to me for the last 9 months because I have felt him moving every day, but I feel like Warren is just now really and truly going to get to experience the life of our son. While I am so excited, I am so scared as well! I am scared that we may also have to say goodbye on Wednesday. But there is still no way to know for sure how much time we will get to spend with him. God may choose to bless us with a few minutes, a few hours, or a few days. But no matter how much time we get to spend with him, the time will be precious. We are so thankful that God has allowed me to carry Timothy to term and for the chance to get to meet him! I am trusting that the Lord knows what we can handle and that he will give us just the right amount of time that we need with our sweet Timothy. I had a dream about a month ago that Timothy came out perfectly whole and healed and I still know that no matter what God is ultimately going to heal Timothy and give him a new and glorious body.

We ask for your prayers for us at 7:30 am on Wednesday morning. We ask that God would give us complete peace and comfort as we walk into the hospital Wednesday and prepare for Timothy's B-day. Pray that God will give me an extra measure of peace as I am definitely a little scared about having surgery. I have never been a big fan of blood, needles, IV's, and all of that. So please pray for me in regards to that. Pray that I will be distracted and feel a complete sense of peace. Pray for Warren that he will be strong for the both of us and that God will prepare his heart to meet our precious son for the first time. Pray that the surgery will go smoothly and recovery will go smoothly as well. Pray for Timothy. Pray that God will protect him from pain and bless us with as much time with him as he knows that we can handle. Pray for our family members that will be with us at the hospital on Wednesday. Pray. Pray. Pray. 

God has carried us this far and given us the strength that we have needed to make it through each day, and we know that he is going to carry us through the days that are ahead. We are so thankful for the support and  prayers from each one of you! We know that we will be covered in prayers on Wednesday and in the days that are ahead. So, thank you in advance for your prayers for us! We will do our best to keep everyone updated as much as possible. We look forward to sharing the story of Timothy's birth and his life with you all! We love you guys!